How to not get kicked out of a library

Good evening!

I've been gorging myself on blogs all evening long (what better way to procrastinate?), and I've seen the idea of libraries as safe havens mentioned a number of times. I work at my local library as a lowly shelver, and I deal with all sorts of patrons on a daily basis. The general expectation regarding patrons is rather low, and the vast majority of people I interact with are:

• Drunk/drugged/slightly deranged
  
• Homeless
• Speaking in tongues
• Extremely irate when not immediately understood
• Likely be kicked out for using the computers to look at porn

Given the dismal standards listed above, you might be wondering whether it's possible to be evicted from a library at all - and I assure you, it is. I assume most of this stuff is fairly standard across the States, and these are good rules to live by when trying to get the best out of your library refuge:

1. Never appear irate: appearing upset or "dangerous" will get you kicked out faster than almost anything else in this list.
2. If you're going to sleep, do so behind a forlorn stack rather than in the middle of the lounge.
3. For the love of God, don't use the computers for porn. I'm assuming most of you have too much on your minds to waste time watching nudie flicks, but still ... I have to mention this. It's so awkward when you're spotted, man, and someone has to reprimand you ... and you might have a little trouble walking (you know what I'm talking about), and the entire area is staring straight at you. ("What's this??" I hear you ask incredulously! "Surely you haven't had to either find security or deal with a loathsome man awkwardly fondling himself in front of you? You jest, Madame!" I assure you, I do not. I could rant about this one for hours.)
4. Don't be a creeper. This includes, but is not limited, to the following: a.) Don't stare avidly at little girls and boys, people take notice; b.) Don't expose yourself to the big girls/guys - again, people notice *shudder*; c.) Be aware of the social "bubble" - don't infringe upon someone's personal space; and d.) Appropriate topics are key: Your penis and/or vagina? Not appropriate topics.
   
5. Be quiet and smile pretty when security walks by. You'll be fine.
   

Honestly, I recommend finding a quiet corner and just holing up there - it's likely that no one will even bother you. Also, don't yell at shelvers. We have feelings, too. :(

Hmm, well this is a fairly pointless post. I'm publishing it anyway, of course, because it took me a bit to type up and I'm fairly lazy. Also, about the titles (Sage, Oracle, Keeper, etc)? Should I call you by title or by name (because both is just far too much typing ;))?

I hope everyone's safe and happy!